DUMB and BLONDE!

Well what can i say i have been in a mess since the my new lad went back to his gf after i left my bf for him its typical! I have come to the conclusion that although i don’t think i love my ex bf anymore i still need him cuz he is my best friend.

I felt rejected when that new lad went back to his gf especially as i had become attached to him due to him txting and ringing all the time i initially miss all the time we spent talking on the phone and the exciting stuff u get from a new relationship. I just wanted to know that men other than my ex found me attractive i do realize that how attractive i am had nothing to do with his decision to go back to his ex but i was down so i went and did a few stupid things.

1. I went to the uni beach party with the skimpy clothes on it worked every lad in there looked at me and flirted i felt good about myself i felt hot sexy like i could enjoy being single cuz their is tons of men for me to have fun teasing and dancing with.

2. I got with this other lad that i kiss when i got drunk after my exams he is attractive but not what i normally go for plus he is a player so i probably was a really stupid thing to do i went back to his we gave each other head and had sex tho since he is a player he was crap in bed anyways for some reason it felt ok and fun at the time and he came across nice. But thinking about it now since he has not even txt or rang me since it was stupid and degrading!

3. I had a second beach party 2 night after the 1st one same skimpy outfit this time i go out with my ex and our friends, i flirt with a couple of his friend and end up just looking stupid cuz none of them knew we had split up so that thought i was trying to cheat on him.

4. During that party i txt a lad i kind of liked from footy but with my new phone i got the numbers confused and txt the manager of the footy team i physio for now he thinks i fancy him!

5. Football presentation night i look hot in a sexy fitted black dress everyone tells me a look great fine until i get alcohol in me and start flirting with the lads from the mens team they obviously flirt back im hot! But near the end of the night the lad that has brought me drinks and seemed to like me tells me he is engaged so again i feel like an idiot. I forget it go home with the footy girls feeling very drunk and a little depressed about not pulling.

Somehow i don’t remember how i kiss a girl from my team yes im not only appearing like a slag with men (not that i am really i have only slept with 2 people my ex and that lad the other night) but im doing it with girls 2! She confused by it all feels like shouting at everyone im not a lesbian  im thinking well im not either ! She walks off in a huff i go and drink more im a state i get offered and take coke i feel so hypocritical about this cuz i hate drugs i guess drunkenness and curious nature got the better of me plus i wanted 2 know why my brother had ruined his life over this stuff and why the lads and girls at footy take it 2! All i remember from it is being happy like everything was amazing nothing really seemed to happen!

She never came back so i slept in her bed then when she did get back we just shared her bed, i don’t know how she feels about the kiss but later in the wk she txt me a couple of times i just hope she doesn’t fancy me.

So then i went out with uni mates in brum last night until we c each other a graduation i didn’t want to pull in was all about mates and having fun with them 2 night i had a great time till that new lad a was seeing who dumped me 2 go back to his gf showed up with his gf great he took one look at me and walked the other way it crushed me inside we had both agreed to be mates he could have at least txt me when he was away from her to say look i could talk cuz i was with her but how r u i mean he knew i had my exam and never txt me 2 wish me luck and i never got a reply when i txted him on his b day im confused by him so we aren’t seeing each other like that anymore i understand that i just thought agreeing to be friends it seems like only i meant it. Obviously form this u can tell im not over him i really wish i was im so much more than his gf. I just really hope that he did not go back 2 her cuz of losing his job and she has money i hope he did it cuz he does truly love her!!

So that new lad i was seeing has gone back to his ex girlfriend 2 try and win her back cuz he says he still loves her begs the question why do anything with me if u do love her? but saying that im not sure i don’t love my ex but i need sometime alone single to be free and have some space. Done my exam 2 quite sad really thats it for uni i have finished job hunting and holiday time now! I’m going to miss everyone so much especially Colin my only proper lad friend!! post soon X

U know how people say the sunshine makes everyone happier it does me. This morning the sun was shining i was dress summery and felt happy in the knowledge that my new man wanted me. I waited ages last night for him 2 reply to my txts he did in the end and we txted all night really sexy naught ones 2 each other and then we both said good night and he said he would txt me 2 day. Problem is i never expected him to txt in the morning but i thought by the time now at nearly nine at night he would have also he said he would read the email i sent him i suppose he could have done that and not replied cuz he thought it was stupid but i was trying to be sweet and funny with it. I mean i suppose im paranoid i don’t know him very well and he probably doesn’t remember to do stuff i did kind of leave my bf cuz he was 2 needy and kept txting and ringing all the time now its the other way and i don’t like it either why cant i just have a lad who txts me occasionally but always replies when i sent him stuff? I think im starting to sound like i moan a lot but if i put it on here it saves me doing it at friends, family, my ex or my new lad. I am finding it is a good way 2 vent and feelings suppose its hitting me now the fact that i have really left my ex after 4 years and that mayb this new lad is nice but not bf material also that my exam is nxt week and all i can think about is him and not my work. I also feel like i use this and facebook to stop my revision anything to put it off im sure everyone that surfs when they should be working can relate to that!!

he is so sweet but why do things like this keep happening he lost his job on the night of our date, luckily he still came and we still had a great time. I do worry for him but regarding money i don’t care im not a gold digger i have my own money i save up i can afford pretty much wat i like even tho i am only a student i dont need him 2 buy me things tho this is hard cuz he feels as the man he should pay for everything and only let me buy 1 round of drinks all night.

We started in lloyds bar it was a bit odd at 1st cuz how can u know what 2 say to someone who has lost their job and is noticeably upset and down about it. We talked and had more drinks and ended up laughing and having a great time we r just so happy and relaxed around each other i honestly think i was good 4 him 2 take his mind off his obvious worries! We then went 2 a club it felt strange to me cuz when ever i go to clubs i never go with just 1 person i go with loads of people but it meant we could spend time dancing and concentrating on just each other. It was not long till i was kissing his sexy lips, grabbing his sweet little ass and noticing something big and hard poking into me when i danced with him i love it when i make men horny and i can feel him pressing into me, it just makes me so hot that i wanted 2 rip his clothes off and fuck him their in the club just like the usher song was saying!! obviously i restrained myself 2 just feeling his hard on through his jeans and kissing his unbelievably sexy sweet smelling neck! mmmmm i wish i could feel and kiss him now im so horny just thinking about how good it felt to kiss and touch him!!

I really like this lad so i have actually been seeing each other for 2 wks but it was always kind of rushed before cuz we both were hiding our relationship be hide our partners backs. Now we have split up from them so technically this is our 1st proper date and im so nervous. I’m kind of sexy with what i normally wear anyway i mean generally people say don’t do both cleavage and legs together but lets face it most men likes this! Its not like he hasn’t seen me like this at footy Christmas and presentation nights but i was allowed to try for them. I think maybe it looks like im trying 2 much if i dress like that for just meeting him for a drink. Although it’s kind of in a bar that later turn into a club at night so at the moment im thinking skinny jeans fitted shirt and heels it should make me look tall thin with good cleavage. I did really want to wear my mini skirt and strappy top

I’m lonely i have left my bf 4 another man who lives 40mins away and it quite a busy person who also dealing with his break up 2! I have been talking 2 him on the phone but he seems depressed that his ex hates him and his ex’s friends obviously do 2 as well! I haven’t got this my ex is still buying me presents and ringing me all the time in a vain hope i will return to him i do love him but love like a friend not a lover.

Holidays have been arranged and we did this b4 we split from our partners so he still has to go with his partner im not happy about but hey ho im going with mine still so i have no right 2 object anyways. It still slightly worrying but i guess he may think the same that’s if he realizes that not only he has problems with his ex but i do 2!

I need to stop thinking about all this new rubbish with relationships and concentrate on revision but its far 2 hard not to get distracted.

The exams in 2 wks scary!!! On a happy note Hull city won and r going 2 wembley yay!!!

b4 any real relationships i would have said being honest with a person about cheating and not cheating in the 1st place is important how wrong was i as i never realized temptation makes us behave in weird ways causing us to break bonds and hurt people just so we can feel wanted by others other than our partners! I’m feeling quite deep and insightful for once maybe I’m growing up it is so close 2 the end of an era i feel kind of sad inside no more lectures, tutors, bar crawls, presentations, exams, assignments, referencing, losing my uni card, riding the train 2 Brum and most of all after 3 years not seeing my friends. Time flies it is so true no wonder im scared and sad im moving on in all aspects of my life it worries me maybe its good change i mean maybe leaving my boyfriend of 4 years 4 a lad on the footy team is not as stupid as i first thought i think maybe in time he may even lust after me alot i struggle to say love i thought i had that i suppose i have still for my Ex but he is loved by me like family rather than lover i need time and space and hopefully everything will calm down and be great again b4 i messed up my love life!

I have been friends with Frannie since my 1st day at uni 3 years ago, we have shared so much i just get the feeling that im nearly at the end of uni with her and we are drifting apart i dont know what runs through her head it really hurt me what she has done 2 me recently friends dont do the things ive let her get away with yet even though she is this way i struggle to stay mad with her.

So il explain what she did the 1st time she was all for me going out with her on the bar crawl girls night as until the end we were apart from the lads. Great i thought just girly fun no males distractions. She barely talks 2 me all night then leaves for the last place on the bar crawl without me does matter ive found some of my male friends im happily dancing. I’m staying at hers so later on i look 4 her she is so drunk she is nearly passed out on a chair with a lad. By the time we leave she doesnt want me 2 go home with her she wants 2 go with this lad instead of me even tho it was suppose to be a girly night and all my stuff is at hers!!! I stuck in Brum with nowhere 2 stay great wat a friend! My male friend ask if i want 2 stay with him i dnt i know he is being nice but he has also admitted 2 me that he does fancy me and in the small college rooms id rather not put temptation  plus he may think i like him back if i do that so i say no . Lucky quakes is there she says a spare room at her bfs and that i can wear her tracksuit back 2 frannie in the morning.

That was a while ago and forgot about it and forgave her, yesterday however she was unbelievably selfish and got very drunk the night before a very important group presentation she had awful hangover and didnt want to do the presentation then she starts being sick everywhere. She actually did the presentation but ran out half way through to throw up and did nothing 2 help with the prep and the report afterwards.

Me and my male friend i said about earlier told her we failed we haven’t but she needs to sweat for being so selfish!

I have been really busy with uni, football and generally making a mess with of my life nothing ever really changes then! I had the presentation evening for the football team i work 4 last Friday it was an odd but overall enjoyable night. I had things to consider4 a start i didn’t know what to wear cuz obviously i wanted to look sexy but not slutty and not just the players but the board were their 2! I went for a yellow, black and white short in length puff ball dress with low neckline. Ok i looked great it was good to show the lad that i am a girl and i don’t wear a tracksuit all the time although the neckline maybe was unsuitable as most of the night lads looked at my chest and not my face oh well. So i get my bf to drop me off and don’t know how i got him to let me go out with a team of lads but hey he did i was happy. We ate our meal but i cannot believe the state of drugs in everyday life now. I hate drugs with everything that happened with my brother and one of the dads of the lads were even doing poppers at the dinner table and then i know several of the lad did cocaine later. Their is no reason for this they are suppose to be young fit healthy men at i guess semi pro level it really disgraced me. Anyway thats not really my problem until nxt season when they all have heart attacks on the pitch! Touch wood that don’t happen tho the one lad on the last game of the season had a fit and couldn’t breath till his head was supported and put in recovery position, which did scare the poo out of me!! Anyways back to the night i talked to a lad i fancied and been with drunkenly at xmas well not slept with just kissed and my bf has found out and i got in trouble but i couldn’t stay away from him is look really hot. We all moved to a club he paid 4 my entry and all my drinks and eventually the taxi back to the hotel which the presentation took place in and where he was staying that night, which i wasnt my bf was picking me up and taking me home at 2. being drunk i went up to his room and we first mainly talked then we started touching and kissing but we didnt have sex i guess he was 2 drunk. Then my phone rang why am i at the hotel when i should be at the club my bf wants to know i make up a lie that one of the lad was so drunk he needed looking after that worked untill he talked the lads friend the nxt day busted!

The thing is if i do this to my bf how can i possibly love him i don’t even feel guilt i just enjoyed it and the lad did 2 we keep talking and meet on Saturday and today for drinks i have had hour long phone calls with him i think we may have something and he does too here the twist tho not only is it really hard for me to leave my bf of 4 years but he has a gf of the same amount of time. What shall i do we also both have holidays book to go with our partners!!

Well not really just dissertation hand in date looming over my head and im in hospital 2moz for more test on my heart condition, which is never much fun doctors and nurse poking u. I just hope they don’t make me run on the treadmill without a bra again that was a sight! No football today called off cuz of the snow (what ups with this country and its weather its just so odd!), stupid really it melted b4 kick off but never mind i when down the park with the lads to play instead which was a great laugh not the same physical output of a game tho, so that means less chocolate this wk!!

Need advice on laser hair removing i wonder if u can get ur bikini line and arm pits done that would be cool! Saying that out of student price range id have though but who knows!

Any girls out their fancy trying vibrators go for it i wish i had earlier so much fun and gives quick orgasms that quick release of sexual frustration is always needed especially during times of stress!!! The best one i have is the cone.