DUMB and BLONDE!

Well what can i say i have been in a mess since the my new lad went back to his gf after i left my bf for him its typical! I have come to the conclusion that although i don’t think i love my ex bf anymore i still need him cuz he is my best friend.

I felt rejected when that new lad went back to his gf especially as i had become attached to him due to him txting and ringing all the time i initially miss all the time we spent talking on the phone and the exciting stuff u get from a new relationship. I just wanted to know that men other than my ex found me attractive i do realize that how attractive i am had nothing to do with his decision to go back to his ex but i was down so i went and did a few stupid things.

1. I went to the uni beach party with the skimpy clothes on it worked every lad in there looked at me and flirted i felt good about myself i felt hot sexy like i could enjoy being single cuz their is tons of men for me to have fun teasing and dancing with.

2. I got with this other lad that i kiss when i got drunk after my exams he is attractive but not what i normally go for plus he is a player so i probably was a really stupid thing to do i went back to his we gave each other head and had sex tho since he is a player he was crap in bed anyways for some reason it felt ok and fun at the time and he came across nice. But thinking about it now since he has not even txt or rang me since it was stupid and degrading!

3. I had a second beach party 2 night after the 1st one same skimpy outfit this time i go out with my ex and our friends, i flirt with a couple of his friend and end up just looking stupid cuz none of them knew we had split up so that thought i was trying to cheat on him.

4. During that party i txt a lad i kind of liked from footy but with my new phone i got the numbers confused and txt the manager of the footy team i physio for now he thinks i fancy him!

5. Football presentation night i look hot in a sexy fitted black dress everyone tells me a look great fine until i get alcohol in me and start flirting with the lads from the mens team they obviously flirt back im hot! But near the end of the night the lad that has brought me drinks and seemed to like me tells me he is engaged so again i feel like an idiot. I forget it go home with the footy girls feeling very drunk and a little depressed about not pulling.

Somehow i don’t remember how i kiss a girl from my team yes im not only appearing like a slag with men (not that i am really i have only slept with 2 people my ex and that lad the other night) but im doing it with girls 2! She confused by it all feels like shouting at everyone im not a lesbian  im thinking well im not either ! She walks off in a huff i go and drink more im a state i get offered and take coke i feel so hypocritical about this cuz i hate drugs i guess drunkenness and curious nature got the better of me plus i wanted 2 know why my brother had ruined his life over this stuff and why the lads and girls at footy take it 2! All i remember from it is being happy like everything was amazing nothing really seemed to happen!

She never came back so i slept in her bed then when she did get back we just shared her bed, i don’t know how she feels about the kiss but later in the wk she txt me a couple of times i just hope she doesn’t fancy me.

So then i went out with uni mates in brum last night until we c each other a graduation i didn’t want to pull in was all about mates and having fun with them 2 night i had a great time till that new lad a was seeing who dumped me 2 go back to his gf showed up with his gf great he took one look at me and walked the other way it crushed me inside we had both agreed to be mates he could have at least txt me when he was away from her to say look i could talk cuz i was with her but how r u i mean he knew i had my exam and never txt me 2 wish me luck and i never got a reply when i txted him on his b day im confused by him so we aren’t seeing each other like that anymore i understand that i just thought agreeing to be friends it seems like only i meant it. Obviously form this u can tell im not over him i really wish i was im so much more than his gf. I just really hope that he did not go back 2 her cuz of losing his job and she has money i hope he did it cuz he does truly love her!!