DUMB and BLONDE!

i love him i think he loves me 2 its like a click has occurred in both our heads that made us see how much we love and mean 2 each other for the 1st time ever he was normal with me a football he was even nice by carrying stuff i know during the match he has a lot of pressure on him self so i understand why he doesn’t normally help but yesterday he did! Its a break through or feels like it!! All i want 2 do is kiss him and have him hold me close next 2 his unbelievably sexy body. I am so happy.

Why now he’s been back a wk and i have already had sex with him 8 times and we just always want each other i suppose this maybe cuz were in the exciting part of our relationship but its amazing only problem is we have this wk whilst his family r away where we can live 2gether like a proper couple, im partly scared we will annoy each other and i have just come on good in a way cuz i know im not pregnant but i don’t want it 2 ruin the beginning of this week! Also does he actually want me 2 stay if im no use to him sexually i hope so cuz that would be prove 2 me that he enjoys me 4 more than sex and during that time of the month a women still can be horny still wants to feel sexy still wants love and physical contact maybe not sex but cuddles and caressing!

Maybe its because our sex is so passionate and hot at the moment and he is so good at pleasing me i really want to tell him i love him. I know that i don’t but their doesn’t seem to be a word that is suitable 2 say how i feel about him its more that just lust i care about him love is too stronger word tho and can scare men when mentioned its kind of between lust and love.

So maybe i thought he was a mistake at 1st a drunken mistake but he is so much more to me now i have seen the real Carl. He is totally amazing unbelievably funny sexy confidence that drives me mad. He is F..king fantastic with his hands and his tongue/mouth he can make me cum in less than 10 minutes and the orgasms he gives me are so extreme but in a completely different way 2 my vibrator maybe more satisfying cuz its a man. He is so good i would never admit this to him but i would pay him 2 do it though obviously i don’t have to cuz hes a nearly 30 year old man and im a young fit 21 year old! Its not just the sex he admitted that he cares for me i care for him to its just so exciting to be in a new relationship with someone who’s already making me this happy he told me the last 2 wks have been the best 2 wks in his life for a long time! Also he said that the sex we had the other night was the best he had ever. I know its soon and stupid but im falling for him BIG TIME! Only problem now is he is on holiday and this wk whilst he is away will drag so much tho im sure i will get lots of drunken phone calls where i cant understand what the hell he is saying but it proves he is thinking about me whilst he is having a great time around probably hot bikini wearing girls and im stuck in the UK with no job and no money and nothing 2 do but look for jobs 2 try and make money! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Tell u what else is annoying my friend got the job i applied for and i didn’t even get an interview which make u feel like crap!

i tried to get over the other guy that went back 2 gf by getting with his football manger and i did he is almost my boss as well and now i have to work with him for the rest of the year i do actually like him but he says he doesn’t want anything but fun. Problem is cuz he does not want anything it makes me want him more plus when i do go out with him he pays for everything and whilst i do not have a job someone looking after me and spending money on me is appealing tho i guess i feel cheap cuz obviously he is only doing that 2 get something in return! Also i have just spent 10 days in Egypt with my ex and he is great i still can be as physical with him but its not how i like im doing it 2 please him not cuz i want 2 or i have been thinking about the other man and that has made me horny which is wrong! I love my ex he is my best friend i just cant be how he wants me 2 be i do not know if i will ever not be able to cheat if i got back 2gether i would really have to try or risk losing he forever not just as a lover but a friend 2 which would really hurt me!

Well what can i say i have been in a mess since the my new lad went back to his gf after i left my bf for him its typical! I have come to the conclusion that although i don’t think i love my ex bf anymore i still need him cuz he is my best friend.

I felt rejected when that new lad went back to his gf especially as i had become attached to him due to him txting and ringing all the time i initially miss all the time we spent talking on the phone and the exciting stuff u get from a new relationship. I just wanted to know that men other than my ex found me attractive i do realize that how attractive i am had nothing to do with his decision to go back to his ex but i was down so i went and did a few stupid things.

1. I went to the uni beach party with the skimpy clothes on it worked every lad in there looked at me and flirted i felt good about myself i felt hot sexy like i could enjoy being single cuz their is tons of men for me to have fun teasing and dancing with.

2. I got with this other lad that i kiss when i got drunk after my exams he is attractive but not what i normally go for plus he is a player so i probably was a really stupid thing to do i went back to his we gave each other head and had sex tho since he is a player he was crap in bed anyways for some reason it felt ok and fun at the time and he came across nice. But thinking about it now since he has not even txt or rang me since it was stupid and degrading!

3. I had a second beach party 2 night after the 1st one same skimpy outfit this time i go out with my ex and our friends, i flirt with a couple of his friend and end up just looking stupid cuz none of them knew we had split up so that thought i was trying to cheat on him.

4. During that party i txt a lad i kind of liked from footy but with my new phone i got the numbers confused and txt the manager of the footy team i physio for now he thinks i fancy him!

5. Football presentation night i look hot in a sexy fitted black dress everyone tells me a look great fine until i get alcohol in me and start flirting with the lads from the mens team they obviously flirt back im hot! But near the end of the night the lad that has brought me drinks and seemed to like me tells me he is engaged so again i feel like an idiot. I forget it go home with the footy girls feeling very drunk and a little depressed about not pulling.

Somehow i don’t remember how i kiss a girl from my team yes im not only appearing like a slag with men (not that i am really i have only slept with 2 people my ex and that lad the other night) but im doing it with girls 2! She confused by it all feels like shouting at everyone im not a lesbian  im thinking well im not either ! She walks off in a huff i go and drink more im a state i get offered and take coke i feel so hypocritical about this cuz i hate drugs i guess drunkenness and curious nature got the better of me plus i wanted 2 know why my brother had ruined his life over this stuff and why the lads and girls at footy take it 2! All i remember from it is being happy like everything was amazing nothing really seemed to happen!

She never came back so i slept in her bed then when she did get back we just shared her bed, i don’t know how she feels about the kiss but later in the wk she txt me a couple of times i just hope she doesn’t fancy me.

So then i went out with uni mates in brum last night until we c each other a graduation i didn’t want to pull in was all about mates and having fun with them 2 night i had a great time till that new lad a was seeing who dumped me 2 go back to his gf showed up with his gf great he took one look at me and walked the other way it crushed me inside we had both agreed to be mates he could have at least txt me when he was away from her to say look i could talk cuz i was with her but how r u i mean he knew i had my exam and never txt me 2 wish me luck and i never got a reply when i txted him on his b day im confused by him so we aren’t seeing each other like that anymore i understand that i just thought agreeing to be friends it seems like only i meant it. Obviously form this u can tell im not over him i really wish i was im so much more than his gf. I just really hope that he did not go back 2 her cuz of losing his job and she has money i hope he did it cuz he does truly love her!!

So that new lad i was seeing has gone back to his ex girlfriend 2 try and win her back cuz he says he still loves her begs the question why do anything with me if u do love her? but saying that im not sure i don’t love my ex but i need sometime alone single to be free and have some space. Done my exam 2 quite sad really thats it for uni i have finished job hunting and holiday time now! I’m going to miss everyone so much especially Colin my only proper lad friend!! post soon X

1. still struggling with my dissertation! It in on the 10th ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
2. My brother got his head beaten in cuz he has a drug problem and owes god knows how much money. its not that bothering me im scared they will come after me and me family.
3. dumbness with my new car. I tried to open the petrol cap and opened the bonnet instead! I drove into a bush, luckily no marks on lupo! I could not start the car and it was only cuz i did put the key in further enough and last of all i couldn’t work out why the one side of the cars lights were on even tho the keys were out, the light were supposedly off, so i left them on for my dad to tell me that i left the indicator on!

4. I have no money and i have to pay for my car to be serviced, i wanted to make it look nicer with pink things that i cant afford, i have to pay for my holiday, the football seasons nearly over no more money! I need clothes in general and for my holiday. I lost weight with the gall bladder and non of my bras fit and my short r all too big plus i have thin holey socks that need replacing.

When this happens all i want to do is have sex, masturbate, play football and eat chocolate cuz these things make me feel better!!

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